Coaster success

I have managed to cut three coasters from my piece of oak that I took from a big fallen tree when Mum and I visited the wood. I am most pleased with this as I initially was somewhat surprised at just how difficult to saw through oak can be. Still apart from the first one being a bit dodgy my perseverance has paid off. Hard work though, I think I'll stick to delivering babies as opposed to forestry.

Maisy, previously our dog before moving onto a new home, arrived back last night and has been lovely to have here. Her temperament from Bill is so totally different and he changes himself under her influence. But Mum was right, lovely though it is to have her here I think that when she goes we'll be secretly pleased to see her restored to her rightful home. In the mean time packing must be done for my visit to Cambridge. Normally I would dread the journey, but it's amazing how after a few travels with rats and mice any journey made without them seems like it will be really easy, even if lugging a huge bag. Kind of like travelling with children, although you can't really keep them in a box and get away with it.

Right, back to my dragon whilst I sniff the soup in anticipation.

The house

Well here are some pics of the new house. And I have to say I am stupidly nervous about putting them on here for two reasons. Firstly I feel like I'm really tempting fate. My solicitor was hoping to be able to exchange contracts before I left Sheffield and then I would be able to relax somewhat given it would make it nearly impossible for anyone to pull out, however due to the opposite soliciors being shoddy and closed early for Christmas this couldn't happen. So I'm nervous that I'll put these up and then it'll all vanish before my eyes. Oh no!

But more silly than that I feel really defensive. I know it'll never be to everyone's tastes, and there are things that I'm not so fussed on, but it's gonna be mine, and that feels really special, and in a way a little bit tender and raw. So here's opening it up to being seen. The outside looks a bit confusing as the black bit looks like it might be next doors door but it's were there used to be a sort of porch bit, which is now indoor storage. My most fav bits for looking at are the kitchen and bathroom as they are well beyond anything I thought I would be able to have, and are two places I will enjoy spending time, firstly starting my tea cooking and then going and lounging in a warm bath with a big glass of wine!!!!! Ah bliss. This is what I need to return my sanity in Sheffield I think following a pretty pants time with some shite housemates. I want to get back to looking forward to cooking, as much for the process as for the outcome, rather than working out what I can run in and grab and then run out with to avoid contact with the evil ones. Plus I genuinely think it'll give Neil a chance to enjoy being around in my space without having a stressed and stroppy bunny to contend with as that's how I end up - it's a miracle he's hung around this long to be fair.

News to report - just had a lovely visit from Kathryn and children who it is wonderful to finally meet. What a lovely thing to do at this time of year with open fires and crumpets. I've lost my heart to Dillon which I think was fairly inevitable. And now I'm back to reading my book Eldest which I have to say I am engrossed in. Neil did well choosing that as my present before Christmas (as we're having them afterwards really), I'm thoroughly engrossed in the world of elves and dragons. I think part of me would love to vanish into that kind of world, and certainly to be around a dragon - the voice of Saphira in the book is perfect. However since this is unlikely I think I will be forced to stick to midwifery and continue to dream about dragons between babies. I tried to do some work this morning for the dreaded exam but it's really frustrating cos in a way I need to just be ready to react, but that makes it difficult to reassure yourself through preparation, so instead I've been reflecting a bit more generally on some of the women I've had recent contact with. We very rarely get the chance to think about things in this whole fashion which is a bit of a joke given the type of care we are meant to be giving, but I think thats just as valuable at the moment as struggling to remember physiology. In a single day on community I take in enough to occupy me for a week so it's good to ponder it all as a whole at the moment, and hopefully return to them somewhat refreshed.

At least that's the plan - the small voice in my head whispers.

Merry Christmas

Yet another long time since my last post I'm afraid. Still I am back now, having had a wonderful Christmas day of wine and food and sleep and cosy time spent with Mum. Just the way to relax. The women and babies of Sheffield have two weeks rest from my prodding and poking.
And I certainly needed a relax - phew. I went out into community with my community midwife from the first year. Back to the same area and have already seen a woman I saw two years ago back for her third baby. It's like a totally different world from hospital - demanding in a new kind of way. Needing to be able to answer questions about anything you can imagine, and a few things you can't. Plus the tricky thing of being on the constant look out for a problem developing in Mum or Baby without robbing them of their 'normal' experience. Tricky line to draw - and I think that's why everyone goes on about midwives as autonomous practitioners as everybody makes those choices differently. So I'm currently trying to develop my own style - PHEW!
I have two home deliveries booked for the week I go back to Sheffield, and I am so hopeful they hold on and choose an optimum time. Chance will be a fine thing, but here's hoping.

Mice and rats doing well, currently attacking carrots, a shoe box and toilet rolls. And fingers crossed the house will be mine on the 18th of January, a few days before my exam, but then I'll be free to play with it to my hearts content. Woooowoooo.

New experience

Yesterday I donated platelets for the first time. It was really interesting in a slightly alarming way. It is like magic the way that they cycle blood out of your body spin it to extract the platelets and then put it back in, all through the same needle. Very clever. I gave enough for two people, and it was meant to take 88 minutes. However I ended up on the blooming machine for 99 minutes as my body didn't process the chemical well enough.

That was something that I was really curious about. How can they keep blood outside your body without it clotting? Surely if it didn't clot then the platelets wouldn't be doing their job and would not be worth taking. The answer is that they mix your blood with an anticoagulant which then goes back into your body and is broken down straight away. Only that's what mine didn't do as quickly as it was going back in. Every time the blood was returning I had a feeling like when you put tissue paper over a comb and blow on it - bizarre tingling feeling. Very strange, so they lowered the rate at which it went back in and it all went away. It was amazing really.

So now the greedy platelet people have got me giving every month! Oh dear. Still having looked after women who needed platelets I think it's a good thing to do.

Revision begins again

Revision is one of those things that appears as a set annual event, if not bi-annual in rubbish years. It appears at various points in the year, annoyingly spanning the Christmas period by some time either side, and takes over your life. You attempt to eat, sleep and read whatever the subject is, and when you do allow yourself time away you spend all that time worrying you should be working, or fearing that you have forgotton the things already covered. And the worst thing.....there is no end before the exam itself. Ugh.

The more I read about midwifery at the moment the more I don't know. It's complex as for a normal pregnancy, labour and postpartum period the level of knowledge is far more confined. However clearly you are constantly screening in your head to identify those who may fall outside 'normal'. Just the range of infections that someone might get in pregnancy make the mind boggle. Chickenpox - what do you do about it, what risks are there, how do you avoid it, how do you identify it? And how much do women need to know when they might never encounter it? It seems like an endless string of questions, and I think that is because it is. Given you're dealing with such an important unique experience in someones life (and the creation of another someone) I think it's legitimate to feel this stressed. Because for the first time in my life, since starting this course, my revision doesn't only matter for me and my results, my revision matters for all the women I come into contact with through midwifery.

Pants!

Back by popular demand

Ok, so popular demand might actually be stretching the truth somewhat! But it was suggested to me that perhaps I should continue with my blog, and to be honest I think it's a good idea. So, a quick update on what has been happening:

I have just finished my last official labour ward placement in my training. I will still be going back in with my caseload, and I think I may go in and go with some caesarean sections as they can be a bit difficult to organise as a midwife, but thats the last proper one. Rest of the time is now community which is daunting but great. I loved community last time, although it might be the hardest bit of all to do. At the moment I am worried that I have forgotten everything! Panic. Overall I have now got 50 deliveries, so done well and don't have to worry anymore about that big number 40 hanging over my head.

Rats and mice (stars of the blog) are all still doing well although they are not sure about the cold weather. My room is sub-zero temperature so they're doing quite a lot of sleeping and cuddling up to each other. One rat - sugar - still bald as ever on the top of her head as the other rat continues to nibble it away, but she really doesn't seem to be bothered at all.

Exciting news - I have had an offer accepted on a house, then I'll be a real adult. Wooooo. At the moment though it's at that stressful stage when you invest everything, financially and emotionally, and feel in total limbo as you wait for it all to happen. I just keep thinking of what I'm going to do with it and where I'll start. My lease where I am now carries on till the end of june and since I have to keep paying rent and bills etc. I am not going to move totally out of there till then. Might as well make the most of the opportunity to sort the new house out. I WANT IT NOW!

Uni is as frustrating as ever, you learn on placement and never in university, so why do we have to go. At the moment it feels like teach-yourself-midwifery. Ah well. Have the worlds nastiest exam coming up in January and am proper dreading it. A 30 minute presentation on the spot about 5 women you get the details of ten minutes before. It is my ultimate nightmare, as I know i'll get worked up and flustered. They say it's just like being on placement but it isn't as it's so fake, the women aren't there, you're not interacting with anyone just talking constantly forever, and you have 5 examiners sat in front of you. Oh god.....Still I'm starting reading my guidelines from front to back from now, and thats one of the major tasks for christmas as well.

Apart from that life continues as normal. Neil still lovely, overworked and underpaid. Barely get to see each other once a week recently, but we've both made a real effort this weekend to make some time.

Photos of house to follow as possible. I'll get done for stalking the property before it's mine at this rate!

More prayer needed please

Oh dear....why are animals so concerning.

I've just finished another three 12 hour nights together, and dragged myself back out of bed as I'm on a day shift tomorrow. Got up, made a cup of coffee then cleared out rats and mice. One of rats has some fur missing on her head, but there is no broken skin or anything. But one of the mice has got a vey poorly bit where the leg joins his body. It's not an open wound or anything, and he's walking around and let me have a really close look so he's not rolling round the cage in agony, but my worry is how it happened. The squabbling had calmed down a lot, but because I have been away for 3 nights at work I haven't been able to see if it was due to a fight. I could seperate them, but once you do that you can't put them back together normally, and they all sleep snuggled up and I don't want him to be lonely. Ahhhhh, I guess I'm just going to have to watch for what happens.

Work has been good, exhausting though. There haven't been enough midwives on (as always), so we've been all working constantly, having at least two people each at once, no breaks etc. I was terrified as it meant me basically functioning as a qualified midwife, but it was all good experience. I'm up to 31 babies I've delivered normally now! Yey.